Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
