i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize