hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
