It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
