she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair