Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments