Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious