I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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