my phone needs a breathalizer
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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