Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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