Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
