Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
