Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
