I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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