How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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