i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
