Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
No stitches, just platelets and will power
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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