Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
