just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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