Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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