Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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