And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
