Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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