so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
