Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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