TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just pee around me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
