I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Found the puke drawer
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
