I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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