I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
