Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So many bounce houses so little time
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
