sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
