And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
