what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
