All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
