If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
