oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
