Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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