I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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