Do you still have your period?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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