If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
