Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
