the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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