Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
