I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
