And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
