Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
