3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
