I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
