So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
