I smell stomach acid.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
