That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
