My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
