there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
