i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We're too hungover to prance.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
