I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
