whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
