Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
