I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
