worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
