She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
