Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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