I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
