have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Boobs speak an international language.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
