he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
