sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
