Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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