i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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