It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
