and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
PANTIES FOUND
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
