Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
