I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he thought i was a dude.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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