i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
