i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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