she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize