hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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