He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's never too late to be topless.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
