I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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