I'm so fucking centered right now
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
