I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
