we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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