Swine flu. Run for my life!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
