everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
