Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
