There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
