Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
