I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
