I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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