Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
