As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
