Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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