shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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