You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
